A story about birds.

S went on a much-anticipated duck hunting trip on the Eastern Shore over the weekend. (Spoiler: No ducks were harmed in the course of this outing.) It was a scant 10 degrees, and despite the guys' best efforts at setting up their decoys, crouching in the blind and quacking on their duck calls, no ducks came close enough to even attempt a shot. S came home Saturday night a bit chilled, but he said it was a blast (bad choice of words) anyway. Instead of duck confit, we had Wendy's for dinner.

Yet the avian world took its revenge on us anyway.

We spent all day Sunday away from home, between going to church and doing laundry at S's parents' house and shopping for groceries. We returned home Sunday evening to find bird crap all over the second floor of the house. It was on the stair railings and newel posts, on my vanity table, on the hallway windowsill, on the tissue box on my bedside table. Everywhere. Though we looked on (and cleaned) every surface, I'm sure we will continue to find it for the rest of the week. There was that much of it.

We looked high and low. We could not find the offending bird(s). We looked in the curtains, the light fixtures, the closets, under the beds... It was like our nightly stinkbug hunt expanded exponentially. Whatever we found, we were going to burn at the stake. But the bird(s) must have gotten out the same way they got in -- and the only possible entry is through very, very small gaps in the sheeting separating the master suite and the main hallway. A bird would seriously have to suck in his gut and fold his wings to get through.

And, if they knew to go back out the same narrow way they came in, then surely they had no other reason to fly around crapping on our stuff than for spite.

I sure hope they had fun on their little adventure through our side of the house. (It is arguable as to whom the other side belongs--us or the animal kingdom.) Either way, it seems that we're the ones who ended up with the fun souvenirs and the mess to clean up.

I hope they know this means war.

Image from qwipster.net.


  1. Haha that sucks but it's funny

  2. LaVonne, we thought about that since bats have made appearances before... but the poop looked more like bird than bat. Also, the biggest collection of the poop was on the hallway window sill, which suggests it spent a good deal of time there trying to get out. That seems more consistent with a bird than a bat.

    We've had both though, so I wouldn't be surprised at either one. And I'd be pretty much equally grossed out.


Thanks for reading! I love your thoughts, feedback and suggestions. Keep 'em coming!